Another chapter in my life

Things are happening over here in little Vejle. Both good and bad but I'm dealing with everything and am generally happy about how things are going.

I had my last official day at the youth club - I'm taking a 1 year leave from there and am starting school on Wednesday! Crazy shit! I'm nervous, exciting, anxious and happy all at the same time. It's been years since I was in school and this time, it's even more important because it's something that I WANT to do and not something I feel forced into doing. Make any sense?

I'm starting my degree in pædagogik - child care (roughly translated) and it's one year full-time school and then 2 years with work and part-time studies. I am taking the merit class since I have so much experience which is awesome because then I keep one foot inside the work force. It helps both mentally and definitely financially.

So now, I'm busy finding books online - both used and new books and mentally preparing myself to start on Wednesday. I'll keep you posted on how that goes.

Another thing I'm changing in my life is my eating habits and exercise lifestyle. I'm starting to eat healthier and I started back at the gym today. A spinning class and then a body fit class - lifting weights. I'm going to be in pain tomorrow!! Now that I have my afternoons open, I want to treat myself to some exercise. Just a few hours a week will be great and it'll help my energy level in the long run. I'm trying to tone up and lose a few pounds but I want to do it the healthy way.

I'm actually quite tired right now so I'm cutting this post short. I spent last night reading and it turned into a late night. I don't want to sleep the day away tomorrow so I'm going to hit the sack now and continue on with all my good news in a later post. Hope all is well with everyone and that you all had a great summer!!

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Tuesday Babble

Here I am, drinking coffee and enjoying a quiet morning. No music, no tv (I don't even own a television), lots of coffee and it's a great way to wake up.

Things are good here. Busy as usual and I seem to have forgotten how to be on vacation. During the last couple of weeks - my vacation from the youth club - I've been working either at the Pub or at a new job, with autistic young adults. Or I've been running around to different meetings, doing different favors for friends and just trying to get everything done.

I've also taken on "Project Clean" here at home which means that I have sorted through all my junk, thrown a LOT of stuff out, reorganized my living room and bedroom and just basically getting stuff done. It's starting to look good and I'm happy with the results so far. Now I need to clean out my basement room and move a bunch of things downstairs - stuff I don't want to throw out but stuff I don't need cluttering up my little apartment. I'm hoping I'll get that done today before I have to work at ES (the place with autistic young adults).

I start back up at the youth club on Monday and then after I'm there for a week, I start school on the 15th. I'm super excited!! And I just bought a little car!! How freaking cool is that?! It's a '97 Ford Fiesta and I love him. (We call him Antonio....). The freedom!!

I'm running now - I'm done my coffee and now I better get my shit together before a friend comes over to drink more coffee.

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It's driving me crazy!!

Here's a little rant....

Ever since I was a teenager, I have had issues with my skin, mainly my face. Really bad acne when I was younger was a nightmare. Cystic acne that was not only ugly and embarrassing, but also quite painful at times. Then I luckily outgrew that phase and my skin has cleared up quite nicely. I have a couple of scars from my teenager years but nothing that bothers me.

But now.... I don't suffer with pimples or acne, but with a seriously red face. My cheeks are blotchy and I often times flush up like a tomato. It looks like it could be rosacea but I don't have it confirmed by my doctor. (For those of you who don't know what rosacea is, check out this link Rosacea info)

I have the redness, the inflammation across the flushing zone - nose and cheeks and I have visibly dilated blood vessels. Plus the facial swelling at times. And blotchy dry patches.

AND IT SUCKS!

My mom is dealing with it as well and we have had long discussions on what we should do, could do and do to lessen the symptoms. And now I'm on an active rampage to find a solution that works for me. I don't wear makeup on a daily basis and I don't want to. I seriously hate the idea of having to wear makeup everyday and that is why I'm desperately trying to find a good cream or something that is easy to use on a daily basis and is good for my skin.

Any ideas?

I've been using a normal day and night cream from Clarins - anti-pollution gentle cream for sensitive skin. It's definitely helped with the blotchy dry patches and the tightness of dry skin. It's quite pricey but I'm willing to pay for good results. Especially on my face. When it's really dry, I use a skin beauty repair serum concentrate, also from Clarins. Good stuff. But it doesn't help with the redness and the flushing....

I just bought Clinique redness solutions daily protective base spf 15 yesterday. I don't usually buy Clinique products but I read about in a magazine and hell - I'm willing to give it a try. I checked out several reviews on the internet and it doesn't look bad. I'm not expecting a miracle, but just some relief. Has anyone else tried out the Clinique redness solution products?

I'm done my rant for the day.... Time to check on my laundry.

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Goodnight...

Just drinking a cup of tea before bedtime. Long day - had a night shift in daugaard and didn't sleep much. Was up at 6:30 am (which is not normal for me - hate early mornings!) and drove home at 8. Had a nap and then got ready for work again at 1 pm. Off at 10 pm and now I'm home, enjoying the peace.

Things are good here. Will be starting school again in August and I'm super excited. Camping with kids next week. Working at the pub and daugaard in July. Buying a car very soon. Exercise mania in July. Tattoo time for me soon.

Actually.... Things are going really well here.

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I miss her...

It's been a year since I lost my Mormor. I remember that phone call from Dad as if it were yesterday. It was a Saturday, early afternoon and I was at the gym, just finishing a dancefit class with my friend when I had noticed that there was an unanswered phone call on my cell. From my Dad. I'm pretty used to quickly figuring out the time difference and knew right away that it had happened since it was very early morning his time. I quickly gathered my things and called him as soon as I had left the building. Dad quietly told me that Mormor was gone. Tears were streaming down my face as I listened to his voice, telling me that she had found peace at 3am her time. My friend didn't have to ask - she just knew what I was being told and quietly found me a kleenex and let me have a good cry while I was standing outside of the gym. I don't know how long we stood there. It could have been 5 minutes but it could have been 45 minutes. She guided me to the Pub, which is next door to the gym and even though it was closed, my boss was there so we went inside to get away from onlookers. He knew too - it was no secret that Mormor was dying. They didn't come with all sorts of advice or words of wisdom and I appreciated that. It didn't matter what they said, they knew that it wouldn't bring her back. He poured me coffee, automatically added milk. My friend handed me a smoke and I was allowed to just cry.

I had a good talk with mom a few hours afterwards. We cried. I could hear in her voice that she was tired and drained. She kept putting one foot in front of the other, dealing with all the practical stuff that comes with death. Mormor had found peace but the rest of us experienced a great loss.

I had to work that night at the Pub and my boss understood why I decided to keep that shift instead of staying at home alone. I think the rest of my co-workers found out before I got to work and let me just drown myself in my job. I felt guilty that I was standing in a bar the day my Mormor died, trying to keep up a smile to the unknowing guests. One of our regulars stopped me and asked me if I was okay. She said that I was missing the happy wrinkles on my face and that my eyes seemed empty. She could see that my smile was fake. I guess I couldn't fool everyone.

I don't remember much from that shift. Or the day after. I remember that it hit me, hit me really hard 2 days afterwards. Mormor was gone and she was never coming back. My mom was fumbling around in the darkness, trying to deal with her pain while life kept moving forward. I spent that summer with my parents. We didn't talk all too much about Mormor, it still hurt too much. The memories of her being sick, of her dying and everything that happened afterwards was too much for Mom. I could see that Mom's smile was fake. Her laughter was empty and all we could do was be there when she needed us and back off when she needed her space.

I didn't grow up with my Mormor just down the street. They lived several thousand kilometers from us so our relationship was over emails and phone calls. As I got older, I got better at writing and we communicated on a regular basis. I sent them pictures, she sent me pictures. We sang to each other on birthdays. I babbled to her about work and boys. She gave me shit for swearing too much. I think we became closer when I moved to Denmark, even though the physical distance between us was greater. I wasn't there when she died. I wasn't there the days up to her death and I wasn't there to deal with everything after her death. But I was still able to say goodbye. I kept writing and calling until she was gone. She wasn't able to read the letters herself at the end of her journey, but I know my mom and my aunt made sure my Mormor knew that I was there and that I loved her.

I sometimes catch myself thinking "I should remember to tell Mormor this...." when something stupid or funny happens. For a split second, I forget she's gone.

She'll always be there in my heart.

Mormor, I love you.

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The story of Dad in DK 2012 - Arrival and Birthday.

I said goodbye to my dad here a couple of days ago. I hate goodbyes. I always cry like a big baby and it sucks. And it sucked coming back to an empty home - I guess I quickly got used to having him around. It was nice. It was cool just having him a part of my Danish life - showing him what I do, who I hang out with and where I live. He came and went as he pleased but we were able to spend lots of time together and I liked that. It's really hitting me now that they are so far away and even though I love living here, I miss my parents and friends in Canada so much. But it's the choice I made when I decided to stay here.

So here's the story of his trip here. (Yes, I know I'm not even done with the Story of Canada 2011 but that'll come....) He celebrated his birthday the day after he arrived and the sun was shining. Gorgeous day to go for a long walk out here in Vejle.

Dad writing to Mom, letting her know that his trip went okay. 

Happy Birthday! A little gift basket from his sister. 

Vejle Harbor. Gorgeous day. 

Dad with his sister and her husband. Coffee and chatting. 

The weather is just wonderful right now. 20 degrees and it's not even lunch time. I have to work this afternoon and evening so I'm going to cut this post short and go outside with my book. I'll be inside all afternoon so I better take advantage of the free time I have for sunshine.

I hope you all have sunshine too and have a great day!

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Time for goodbyes...

Saturday night and the goodbyes for dad have started. We spent the day with family today and since dad is leaving very early on Tuesday, he said quite a few goodbyes today. It's never easy...

I can't upload pictures since I'm blogging from my phone but I can promise you that we had a good day and I'll post pics soon. Probably after dad leaves because I'd rather spend the last few days with him and not in front of the computer.

I hate goodbyes.

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Test...

Just installed the Blogger app....

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Silence is welcomed here tonight.

Can you hear it? Listen really hard. Still nothing?

It's because there is nothing to hear in my little apartment other than my table creaking, me typing and the occasional car. No tv. No music. No talking.

Nothing.

And I like it.

I love music and listen to it all the time. I love my family and friends and talk to them often. I don't need a tv but it's on as background noise at times. But right now, I'm embracing the silence and I'm taking a minute or two to enjoy it. It's been a busy week and even though I had a good time either working, hanging out with dad or hanging out with friends, I feel I need a quiet night to myself. So it suits me fine that dad is out and about, doing his own thing while I'm home.

Shhhh..... Silence is not always scary. 

Having dad around is pretty cool. We haven't spent this much time together since I moved from Canada back in 1997. I like my dad. He's a fuddy duddy at times but I still love him. I like the fact that he's starting to feel comfortable enough here that he can just come and go as he pleases, do his own thing and enjoy his visit here in Denmark. I had a good talk with mom this evening, before she had to take off to the vet. She's pretty cool too.

I consider myself to be lucky. I have parents that are actually neat and fun to talk to. I can talk to my mom as a "mother/daughter" and talk to her as friends. I can hang out with dad alone here at home or I can take him out with some friends and drink a beer together. Yes, my parents are also my friends. And that's where I think I'm lucky.

Dad in the kitchen. 

Waiting for our train to Copenhagen. 

Anyways, it's Sunday and I'm soon off to bed. Maybe I'll bring a book with me to bed. I was off work Friday from the club and there I was the responsible adult. Laundry and stuff like that. I napped and then took off to work at the Pub. Quiet-ish night there but still ended up being home late. Ate breakfast with dad and then napped when he left. Did some shopping for a birthday gift and got ready to celebrate one of my best friends here in Denmark. We partied it up Saturday night and again, it was early morning before I got home. I think Dad thinks I'm crazy but that's what I do. Slept a couple of  hours Sunday and got up, feeling tired but not hungover. Did some grocery shopping and then basically just enjoyed a quiet day here at home.   The week starts over tomorrow - work, work, meetings and then more work.

I haven't blogged all that often lately but I promise that once my every day routine gets back to normal, I will try to keep up the blogging again. I like to write. I like to babble. Here are some random party pictures.

Rie and L. That's our outfit when we are working but I was off that night. 

Caught off-guard. Rie and J. 

S. and me. Love her!

Time for me to go home. And make faces at the camera. 

Goodnight.

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It would have been....

... my Mormor's 85th birthday today. 

We miss you!

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