Monday blues

I'm tired. But not more tired than I usually am on Mondays. Weekends are tough and I should seriously start acting my age. But then again, I don't do anything that I'm embarrassed over. And just because I'm 35, doesn't mean that I can't go out and have some fun, right?

I don't think everyone would agree. But fuck them. I will take the tired Mondays for now and enjoy my weekends. But I will be cutting back on the night-off-lets-go-out evenings and focus more on my school. I have 7 months left and then I'll be done.

Fucking 7 months. I have massive amounts of studying to focus on.

So it'll mean that I will cut back on the partying. I will keep working so I will still be around in the environment but I can luckily have fun and party without drinking so that will be cut out. I have one big party to attend next weekend - our yearly Christmas party for the bar job and then one in a couple of weeks with my youthclub job. But other than that, no more party plans. Not even for NYE - I'm working that night so I'll be partying - without partying.

Wow, it sounds like my life focus is drinking and parties. Trust me, it's not.

I'm working late tonight at the youth club. Maybe I'll walk home tonight -- get some exercise and fresh air.

Gotta cut this one short - have to get ready for work.

Read More

I don't have time to be sick!

It's a Saturday night and instead of being out with my friends like I had originally planned, I'm here at home. Alone. MEH! So be prepared for a post of bitchiness and pity me just a bit. I promise that I'll post something a bit more cheerful tomorrow or Monday morning but for now, all you get is bitch and meh.

I've been busy. Way too busy with work and I guess I'm paying for it now. Fever, sore muscles, sore throat and a head that's almost too heavy to hold up. I was feeling fine last night while I was at work. Dancing, flirty and smiling - spreading happiness and fun vibes to everyone who was out at the Pub last night. I was rocking it last night and had a freaking blast. But when I got home after breakfast at 7am, I was exhausted. Pretty normal since I was out all night so I just went to bed... and slept. Really slept. I didn't stir until my phone rang at 2pm and I was still pretty groggy. Groggy enough that I went back to bed at 5pm and didn't wake up until the phone rang again at 7pm.

Still groggy. I feel like I've been out running a freaking marathon or something. Everything aches.

So I bailed on the party and have come to terms that, yes, I am getting sick. ARGH!!

I had so many plans for this weekend. Fun, work, fun and more work. I don't have time to be sick!

Now I'm pissed off. I have all these plans in my head - and a long list of things-to-do hanging on my fridge but I have absolutely no energy. I wanted to paint my table. I wanted to write a happy post here with pictures. I wanted to go out and be on the OTHER side of the bar. I wanted to write my application for uni. I wanted to clean and tidy up my little home. I wanted to go for a bike ride out in the almost-spring weather.

ARGH!!

(Wow - it's amazing how much I can write about not feeling well. Kind of like old ladies who can spend an entire afternoon comparing aches and pains. Well, I do feel kind of old right now....)

I'm leaving you again. Yes, I haven't forgotten about my blog - I actually miss posting so I promise to be back again very soon. With pictures. And happy thoughts. But for now, me and my feverish achy body is going back to bed.

Sickness - fuck you!

Read More

Snot, snot and more snot.

Meh.

That's how I'm feeling right now. My head is full of snot and I have a fever and all I want to do is crawl into bed and have someone pamper me. Preferable a really good looking man. Or my parents. Yes, I'm 32 years old and I miss my parents. 

Was at work last night and I had super energy at the beginning of my shift. Dancing, laughing and lots of fun. But after a few hours, the energy was just more and more forced and by the end of my shift at 530am, I was done. And now - yes I'm whining - I feel like I've been hit by a truck. Trust me, I've actually been hit by a truck when I was younger so I know what it feels like. I feel like shit. 

Meh.

I hope everyone had a good weekend. I'm going to make more tea, eat some oranges and curl up on my couch and possible cry. 

Read More

mind zombie

I should be in bed - It's after midnight and I have to work tomorrow. And I'm tired. But not sleepy tired.... I'm so drained for energy but I can't sleep right now. It's been a rough week and I need an end to all these MEH feelings.

I shouldn't be having MEH feelings and I feel guilty about complaining about stuff because really..... my life is not bad at all. I have a great family who love me very much. I have wonderful friends who are there for me whenever I need it. I have a stabil job which I love - doesn't make me rich but definitely lets me pay my bills and still live comfortably. My health is decent - I can't complain there. My "love-life" is right where I want it to be at the moment. I had an amazing summer vacation in Canada with great friends and my family. I have fun plans and goals for the future. I love my little apartment. I just bought a Kobo and have re-discovered my love for reading. I just learned how to knit and I'm dying to work on some projects.

See.... I shouldn't be bitching. .

But I'm going to do just that.

I feel angry and sad at the same time. I'm in a constant whirlwind of emotions and even I can't figure out when I want to laugh, cry or shout evil things at the person standing next to me. Talk about your severe PMS mood swings! I'm angry at myself for not being able to get my shit together whenever I'm off work and sitting at home. I have a long list of "things-to-do" and I haven't crossed anything off of it since I got back last week from Canada. And I'm sad about leaving Canada and I'm angry at myself for ever making the decision about living here. I have the choice about where I want to live and it hurts so much, no matter what I choose. I'm sad and miss my parents and friends back home. I'm sad (and angry) that my Mormor died before I could say goodbye in person. I'm angry with myself for waiting 4 years before I got my shit together and got a ticket to visit her.... one month and 9 days before I was supposed to fly out, she died. I'm sad that I can't be there for my mom while she's dealing with the loss of her mom. I'm sad that I can't just fly back and forth from DK to Canada whenever I please.

I could keep going but I'm going to end the pity-me post now. It's seriously depressing. Yes, I'm in a bad mood and it's draining me for energy. I just miss everyone over there and I think the "end of trip" blues have finally hit. And the loss of my Mormor. She's gone and she's not coming back. Ever. The family is slowly breaking apart and it's because we lost her. I wonder if she ever realized that she was the fundament of our family.

So, what do I do to get out of this funk? It's not like I can just pack up my shit, kiss this life goodbye and move to Canada. And it's not like I can bring my Mormor back to life. I can't just ignore my MEH feelings and fake a smile all the time. But I'm tired of being angry and I'm tired of being sad. A friend here in DK, who knows me quite well, said to me the other day that I haven't been very happy for the past several months and at first, I thought, BULLSHIT. But then I thought.... I think she's right.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHY!!!

It's almost 1 a.m.... I should be sleeping. Tomorrow is a new day, right?

Read More

Day 3 and still down....

Meh.

Meh.

Meh.

That's how I'm feeling right now. I've been sick since Monday evening and I'm going crazy. Crazy in slow motion because my energy level is down in the dumps and I'm still struggling wth feeling yucky.

I went to the Red Monday event (Redbull had a huge event/party for all those working at a bar/nightclub, in order to promote their product.) Monday evening with absolutely no energy. I thought it was just because I was tired and thought that maybe some food and good company would kick my energy up a knotch. We had dinner together and then went over to this party. People were ready to party it up - loud music, dancing, drinking, half-naked people..... I left an hour later. I ended up being home earlier than I usually am on Mondays when I'm working at the youth club.

So I thought - a good night's sleep is needed and then I'm ready to kick-start a good week at work. I had many plans for my kids at the club and was looking forward to spending some hours in our creative workshop. (I'm lucky - I like my job.) I went to bed at 10pm and tried to sleep....

Nope. As the hours past, I was starting to feel more and more like crap. I drifted in and out of sleep all night - getting up to put on a sweater - then getting up to take off the sweater. It was a long night. When my alarm rang at 8am, I knew I was in no shape at all to go to work. And that sucks!

Here I am. It's Thursday, early afternoon and my brain is finally starting to function. I think I kicked the fever but I'm still very much drained for energy. I spent all of Tuesday and all of Wednesday on my couch with my blankets and pillows. I only got up to boil water for tea and soup and to pee. FML. And you know what? Even though I am 31 years old - I really missed my parents. It's funny how I totally go into child-mode when I'm sick like this.

I'm so bored. I'm hoping I can go to work tomorrow.

Read More

Headaches suck!

I was at work last night (like I usually am) and the scooter boys were painting their scooters... totally stinking up the entire youth club. I got a mild headache from the fumes so when we closed for the evening, I decided to walk home instead of taking the bus. It's not a long walk - around 40 mins but long enough to clear my head.

It didn't work. Forty minutes later, I got home - wet, tired, cold and still with the headache. It had started raining and since I didn't plan on walking home, I had my sneakers on. My feet were totally soaked through. I made myself a cup of tea, sat on the couch and enjoyed a quiet moment while wrapped up in blankets.

I still had a headache.

So I took a painkiller and crawled into bed. I had a hard time falling asleep - but that's pretty normal for me the last few weeks. I finally fell asleep but woke up several hours later... not with a headache. But with a freaking migraine! It's been a while since I last had a migraine and I had forgotten how much it hurt.

Then I threw up. (I know, too much info...)

I tried to sleep again but that didn't go too well. I kept throwing up. I ended up calling in sick today and then took 2 more painkillers, hoping that I could at least sleep it off. It's now 3pm and I'm finally feeling slightly normal again. A little groggy but definitely better.

Moral of this story - when boys are stinking up the place, make them go outside!

Read More